Jun 8, 2021
For those who do not know. I wrote a book in 2016. I wrote a memoir about my late daughter. Something I never ever thought I'd do given that writing has never been my forte' and well, being an author is just not something I thought I'd turn out to be. I guess life has its way at miraculously proving me that i'm wrong.
Why does proving myself wrong give me so much satisfaction? I guess it stems from the fact that I am capable of bringing myself to do things I thought was beyond my capabilities. But in the end, the biggest satisfaction I get from this is knowing real well that I did this for me, and more than that I did it for my late daughter, Marisa. If I continued to blog about her as I used to, I'd usually end up one of two ways (1) I'd find myself smiling from being overjoyed by the memories of the past. (2) I'd be crying as I deliberate over the things that I overlooked when Marisa was alive.
It's been 5 years since she passed. Five years since my mum and husband told me that I should now take the time to be what and who I want to be. The truth is I didn't have an answer to that. My life, for far too long has revolved around Marisa. Being 27 when Marisa was first diagnosed, my life took an unprecedented turn. From then on out, she was my life and there was nothing that I aspired more in life than wanting to be the best mother for Marisa. What was best for her was what was best for me. Every decision, every step I took in life, I considered her. So when life suddenly took her away from me, I did not know what to do or who to be. For far too long, I've lived for my daughter, so you must know how hard it was for me to live for myself.
Anyways, those who have been following Just Mar's for a while knows that I started this business with Marisa. It's kind of the thing we started together. But throughout this long journey of running this business, I have to admit that there were periods where I've felt lost. Not sure where to head and what to do. My business has been stagnating and I'm looking at other business women with so much admiration. Then I ask myself. I'm nearly 50, can I and should I do this? This is the question I'm been pondering on since I finished my book.
I don't want to be just a normal business woman. I want to be successful. At the same time, I never want to forgo the things that mean the most the me, which is my family and my home. It is a struggle to find a the balance between it all.
MCO 1.0 triggered it for me. I started my website . Finally reaching out to family members for help. Some paid in kind and some in food (that always works for the family). I feel I'm so far from being defined as a successful. But that definition in itself is subjective. With time hopefully, as long as there is concerted effort to do better. Things will undoubtedly fall into place.
Time has flown by quite swiftly these days. The Covid situation is not getting any better with new variants emerging. Some of these new variants don't even have symptoms. Scary isn't it ?
We are asked to stay home and stay safe.
That is not as easy as it looks. We are 'forced' to question our existence and purpose.
The desire to be more feels like it's coming at the wrong time when people aren't spending as much and some are having a hard time putting food on the table.
That was two MCO's ago and for me and during that time, I realised that I needed to make that change for myself. I can't be cooking and watching Netflix all day. I have to have purpose and the truth is, I find purpose in this tiny business of mine. So, I decided I needed to gain more knowledge on how to make Just Mar's a better Just Mar's. I've been on webinars after webinars after webinars and I feel my head is absorbing so much information I don't know where to begin.
I will begin though. Will you help by telling me what you think what Just Mar's is?
It will help me in taking that little step forward.